As expected, “Slytherin Hazing” was fantastically fun.
For those who don’t know, I am the guest of honor this weekend at a combination science fiction/geekdom/BDSM/Kink convention called the Geeky Kink Event. When they asked me what presentations I wanted to do, out of the blue I said, “OOoh! Let me run a Slytherin Hazing session, cosplayed as Draco Malfoy!” Being the geeky kinksters they are, the organizers readily agreed.I tested out my costume for the hour or so prior to the session, wandering the hallways and demanding to know where people’s wands were. (“Just because the war’s over is no excuse to go unarmed!”) I also had a few interactions as myself… for example the guys running a card game who were having people sign up for texts about the game. I put my actual name down. The guy thought I was pulling his leg by writing down the Guest of Honor’s name. Then he blinked and said, “Oh my. Good costume.”
Anyway. I set up my stuff in the room. I had brought a couple of canes (including one New York Yankees cane… yes, you heard me right, New York Yankees cane, made by KJ Canes… BECAUSE THE YANKEES ARE THE SLYTHERINS OF BASEBALL… ahem…), some floggers, some potions (ahem, firewhiskey), some potions ingredients, et cetera. In these live role play situations you merely have to be ready for anything.
I had one eager Slytherin prefect show up to aid me. Veruca Verbena was the name she gave, an excellent wizarding name, don’t you think?
The first thing I had the group do, upon closing the door, was this. You see, what many people outside do not understand is that Slytherins stick together. You earn the right to be among us, but once you do, Slytherins look out for each other. It’s that “earning the right” part which is the hard part. So I directed the group to vote upon what penalty we should exact from anyone who might come in late.
“Death by fire!” shouted one somewhat overenthusiastic member of the group. We made note to try to train them out of those extreme, impulsive Gryffindor tendencies. Meanwhile the group decided on one spank from each of us present at the time.
Perfect timing. No sooner had we taken the vote than the door opened and in came some new people! Veruca leapt into action, turning the chairs around for them to grasp hold of. There were four or five of them! Excellent! They lined up, nicely bent over, everyone else got in line behind me, and then we decided on a group safeword. “Dumbledore sucks!”
The newcomers were duly hazed, and then the individual testing began. I quizzed some volunteers on quidditch history. The thing about these questions of course is that it matters less whether one knows the answer and more whether one can use one’s Slytherin wiles to find out the answer if necessary. The result was a lovely negotiation in which this Slytherin recruit worshipped my shoe, and then even traded favors with another member of the audience. NOW you’re starting to think like Slytherins.
Another latecomer came in, they were duly hazed in the manner decided upon by the group, and a few people went through the line more than once… Once everyone was back in their seats I said, “Hm, I think some of you went through the line twice.” They looked rather guilty until I said, “Excellent! Now you’re starting to think like Slytherins!”
Let’s see, what else. I tested one student on what potions ingredients smelled like. He got one of three correct, and agreed to be flogged to make up for his lapses. One dear girl in a house-colored corset was made to stand on one foot and hold her arms up for an extended period of time while quizzed. (She got the basilisk question right.) Another was made to do a jig while wearing clothespins on the ends of her fingers…
Yes, I’m evil. And I was drunk with power. Everyone was drunk with power. That was the point. *muahaha*
However, can you believe, it turned out that Harry Potter was there? I told him I had heard a rumor that the Sorting Hat had given him a choice all those years ago to pick us or them, and he had picked them. Was he changing his mind now?
“I was eleven!” he cried.
“Ah, and that was before you knew how good the sex was?” I asked.
“You see now why the Slytherin Common Room is in the DUNGEON…”
Egged on by the cheers of the newly minted Slytherins, I proceeded to flog Potter.
When he’d had enough, he cried out, “Dumbledore sucks!”
It was perfect.
* * * *
(P.S. I awarded Slytherin prefect badges (actually iron on patches) to the three volunteers who had really earned them, as well as a potion bottle of “dungeon sanitizer” to Veruca. Afterwards, Sardonica gave me a glitter “tattoo” of a dragon in green and silver, and I sported it through the dungeon with my tie undone. “Disreputable rock and roll Draco.” Oh yeah. And yes, “what happens in the Slytherin Common Room, stays in the Slytherin Common Room. Hence no names have been used. Except Potter’s, but we all know he’s a glory-seeking fame nut, anyway…)